Hello People!

Yes, I am back updating the space again. I'm trying to be more active and blog more but I don't have extra time at all to fork out now to even use the laptop and update the space. The only time I can is when I really sacrifice my sleep and update the space, so please please do read okay? ): I think I'll be moving over to Tumblr soon so I can update using the phone which is so much easier :/ However, I still like blogger as much! I know, I know, I am very indecisive! 

Before I start, I shall share one of the comic of Shervelle & Sherrine:)

 

I hope it do makes your day. Do follow me on Facebook or Instagram for their comic! I don't make the comic often, I just make it when the 'feel' is there. :) Anyway, Shervelle and Sherrine has been doing great just that they're cranky at times .. well, which kids doesn't right? Other than that, they're doing fine and as a Mommy, I am happy. 

Shervelle is being a great sis, always sayang Sherrine, and she will keep 'meimei', 'meimei'. Sometimes I can't even stand her not to say Sherrine, I think she does feel annoyed by Shervelle at times especially when she's try to get to sleep. So, we have ask Shervelle to come out of the room in order to let Sherrine sleep without being disturb. 

 

  

Another four more months, Shervelle will be turning two. Which mean I am going to be a Mommy for two years also. I really can't imagine how fast have time pass by. After going through so much together with her, I love her more and more each day, though she's getting naughtier, probably that's what call Terrible Two right? Anyway, I'm planning to organize a small celebration at home on the 16 November, a week earlier from her Birthday.

Because I am inviting my best/close friends & my aunts over. My Mommy will do the cooking and I'm still deciding on what theme cake should I get. I want to get Despicable Me, but ... Shervelle is scare ~ LOL, she's not brave at all, very timid girl but loud! -_- Well .. still deciding on that. While on the actual day, we might be going to S.E.A Aquarium if everything is going smooth! 

 

  

Sherrine is turning two months old soon. Being a Mommy for going two years, I still panic at times looking at Sherrine. However things are going better, probably I just need to relax myself and not stress to much over her. Right now, everything seems okay and I love her a lot too. She looks so like me, isn't it? Even alike that Shervelle. Just too adorable, because of her baby fats! :P Hehe.

She's so chubby now and I can feel the difference when I carry her! :P But still very cute! Other than drinking milk and sleeping, she knows how to play with us and smile too! I just want to enjoy this baby moment of hers now first because I realize only during these time, they're still cute even they're cranky. I just hope that time would pass a little slower at least. 

 

  

I don't want to miss out any moment of their growth. I want to keep watching them till I'm old. I want to be with them as much as I can, to play, to sing, to do anything with them too. They're just too precious that I don't allow anyone to hurt them. Whoever does, I will show no mercy. Never mess with my kids, because my love is too scary for you all to handle ^_^

Day by day, I just feel that with them around - my time just passes so fast. Even by just sitting there playing, an hour or two has pass. Each day, the time is never enough for me because they fill my days with so much fun and laughter! :') Loving them always. 

Till the next time, love ya ~

Never judge a book by its cover

Hello Lovelies

Disclaimer: This blog post is not pointing towards anyone, so do not come and message/E-mail/text me about this blog post. Even if I receive such message, I will delete and ignore. Simple. If you're unhappy, feel free to leave the blog. Thank you.

I am back again to update the space of mine. It's kinda dead uh? Don't have much time to blog nowadays. Well, I'm going to blog about what my title has stated - "Never judge a book by its cover". Why am I blogging about this? Because I have receive a lot of comments and questions like - "You and your 'Husband' looks okay, so I thought you all are back together or so". 

 

The answer is no. I am not back together with him. I don't know how many times I have to repeat over again about this. I don't know how many of the people out there have been using "your husband" to describe him when they talk to me. I am really annoyed and have enough of it. Yes, I know some don't mean it or some do it on purpose. I know who are those who don't mean it and who are those who do it on purpose. I can observe and I know whether you are. 

I know why people have the thoughts that we seems alright because we can be really friend and good when I bring my daughters out to meet him up on the Sunday. Reason why is because my daughters are around and I never want to let her see any ugly side of us. She's just too precious to get hurt now as she's still so young.  How would she react to when she sees us quarreling, not talking to one another, one tagging behind one, and so? You have never been through and you are not me, you don't know how do I think. 

I'm not trying to boast around but my eldest daughter, Shervelle, she can catch up with thing really fast. People who has been reading my blog and follow her milestones should know how much she have learnt within 19 months plus. She can sing, she can talk, express her feeling, etc so what if she see him and I behaving weirdly now and gets confused? I don't want such things to happen, I want to wait till she's bigger enough to understand things then I'll explain to her myself. That's what I want.

Probably, you all thought that I will keep a distance from him and so because he hurt me so much and stuff. Yes, I hate him but that was the past. I have put down the hates and grudges in me because I know it's going to be tiring and waste of time hating and holding onto grudges. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone take times to learn, some are fast while some are slow and probably he belong to the slow category to realize what he has done over the past few years was wrong. I don't blame him. He has his reasons. Everyone has their reasons behind each stories, isn't it?

 

I have mention before. Letting go is the best way for myself to live better, to be able to love my kids more and concentrate more on them. When you have hates & grudges in your mind, you can't concentrate well on your kids, because you're using some parts of your mind to hate the person, to remember what he/she did to hurt and leave you having so much grudges.

"Only when we are willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us". 

We might have plans for the future, but some time things just doesn't goes in our ways. Just like we will never know what will happen when we take one step forward after one step, isn't it? What belong to us will still be ours, what doesn't belong to ours just let it go because there's no point holding on also. 

Only when you are willing to let go, that's when your life is really set free. If not, you'll be really tired with your life and find thing meaningless and lost. No point letting your life to be like this for someone who don't worth it. And after everything happen, I have learn so much and grow so much. Maybe I should even thank him for all the happenings, if not I will never have learn so much about life.

Yes, back to the topic.

Please never use the term, "your husband" to me anymore because we're separated thou we're still legally Husband & Wife. Use his name or ex-Husband would be so much better :)  And remember, don't make any guesses just by what you have see because what you have see might not be what you are assuming alright? :)

The Journey

Hi Lovelies

People who has follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram should know that I have start going for jogging/running for losing weight. It's time to keep fit and get a healthy weight. I don't care if I can get slim or what, I just want a healthy, acceptable weight that's more than enough for me but of cos if I can lose more that will be better but I'm not going to be greedy.

 

I went for running on the Thursday. My first run after three years of not running. Quite surprise with what I manage to run. I complete 2km of running in 21 minutes & 20 seconds and I burn away 217 of calories. After running, I walk for 1.3km and burn away 104 of calories! I have burn away 321 of calories in total. I never thought that I can do this good (for me). 

  

After that I am getting a lot of advise, tips and information from friends around me. There are a lot of them who encourage me and give me the support. I really hope I can see some changes in a month time so I won't disappoint myself, as well as those who give me encouragement and support.

I am a person who is very lazy and really not determine at all but I guess, it's time to take care of my own health by exercising and also to keep fit as I still got two kids. And also, I'm motivated by people around me who are also exercising to keep fit and healthy too. If they can do it, I can do it too. All I got to do is stop being lazy and be determine to do it! I must overcome the thoughts that I'm worry that people might look at me and laugh, or might be looking at me as I got very low self-esteem.

I've set my alarm early in the morning like 4.50am to wake up to wash up and prepare to go for a run. Every Monday, Wednesday & Friday from next week onward, I will be running. While Tuesday & Thursday, I might just do some simple cardio workout at home and weekend shall be a relaxing day. After that, I will slowly add in more run and turn into daily run after I catch up with my stamina and stuff. 

Next, I'll also start to look out on my diet and plan on a healthier diet. More vegetables and fruits instead of meat and rice:) I got information that lemon juice and salmon can help dieting also. Shall try because it doesn't mean every diet plan helps on everyone diets. :) No matter what, I will try whichever way I can and most importantly that it helps! 

Till my next update on this, goodbye ~ :)

Being a Mom

I don't know what is wrong with me recently, I feel really stress and depress like what I have mention on my previous blog update. The more I think, the more worry and question comes to me and I think when I have free time I tend to think more than usual therefore I always try to keep myself busy and not to think so much if not I can feel really terrible by just having so much on my thoughts.

I once thought that life was bad for me during school times, but actually it wasn't the worst at all. Till I have been through all these tough journey then I realize those times, those problem was just a piece of cakes. However right now, what I am going through is really killing me and I have no idea how to stop all these stuff from killing me! I really feel very tired and breathless, hoping someone can come rescuing me! :(

After enjoying 18 years of life, I  suddenly stepped into Motherhood - something I used to think that it was easier than studying, something I once thought that its just a piece of cakes. Until when I really stepped into it, I realize it wasn't easy at all and it really makes me feels like going back to school days but still I have never regret bringing my both princess to Earth because they're the happiest thing happen in my life.

  

Life with one kid is not easy, not to say two now. I'm still trying to manage my life with two kids, because it can be really so stressing when I have to handle one,  not to say two already. People always told me I have done my best, but I always feel that I have not. I feel that I am a very bad Mommy because I can't get what my kids want at times. They get so cranky and I couldn't do anything at all at times and all I can do is to ask my Mom for help.

I really feel so useless and helpless. 

  

For Shervelle, I can still cope other than when she gets really naughty and cranky, I got cranky and mad too! Sometime I got so pissed off that I feel like just screaming out loud at her but I know I can't, because she still has a lot more to learn therefore I always talk nicely with her first until she really purposely do again then I will flare up. Other than that, she's pretty alright and I got no much worries. And time is passing pretty fast that she'll be turning two in another 4 months plus time. 

  

For Sherrine, I really get so stress by just looking at her. I don't know why also, I keep thinking and thinking but no answer to the question. I can feel so depress and even helpless looking at her. Her small reaction or action can makes me worry like a mad woman and keep asking my Mom that why is she behaving like this or why is she reacting like that. During this one month plus time, I don't know how much I have cry by just worrying of her and maybe due to I think too much too.

Because the period of time when I was carrying her is never easy. I get sick easily, I lose appetite and lost weight, I got positive GBS, date is due and she's not coming out and till I give birth to her, during birth nurse told me her heartbeat is dropping, after birth she don't take in milk and keeps vomiting and even stay in Special care nursery for 5 days straight - probably because I have met so much problem when I have her, everything just makes me feel so worry.

I keep on Google for answer to my question. I can sit there for an hour and ignore everyone who talks to me just to find answers to my question and how I can do to help her or even ask around to see if anyone met the same problem as what I am facing now. If not I can sit beside her during her sleep and keep observing and Google for answer. Till my sister told me, I have spent so much time on her and neglect Shervelle.

  

I am really feeling so guilty but both are my precious, I just love them too much and I have to agree at the start I really neglect Shervelle for Sherrine but right now, I am trying to manage two and not neglecting any one of them and I think I have did it. I hope I won't neglect any one of them anymore or shower more love on one than the others. 

Anyway, being such a Mommy at such young age I have never ever regret because I learn a lot and seen a lot more than during school days. After being a Mom, I have to step out to this realistic society to work and from there I get to see a lot of two-headed snake, backstabber, gossiper, and etc. With that, I also learn to be more responsible, independent, and know how to do things smartly and not letting anyone have any chance to hurt me.

  

 

Having them was the greatest thing ever happen and bringing them to Earth was the happiest thing ever. Because they've bring a lot of love, happiness, laughter to me. If I am grant for three wishes, I won't wish anything for myself, all I want for is for them to be happy and healthy. Because I love them so much that I am willing to sacrifice myself for them to be happy and healthy. 

I hope things will be smooth down the road soon. I really don't want to be so depressed anymore, I want to be happy and be able to manage the two kids soon! God, please give me some strength to be strong. I need the strength from you to be stronger, to fight all obstacles that I am going to meet. Let all the good things happen to my kids because they're just too innocent to meet anything bad.

"I will keep smiling and face everything because the two angelic princess is always here motivating me to move on and they never fail to put on the smile on me always."

Till than, loves ~

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Recently, I'm very addict to the lyrics of the song: Stronger by Kelly Clarkson 

  

"I love what the lyrics have mention - " What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller".

It's definitely a good thing to be strong and independent, however .. recently I feel that actually I'm not strong and independent at all. I feel like I have been acting to be strong all these while and not letting my emotion out. I feel so depress and tired at time that why do I need to pretend to be strong? Why do I need to act like I'm so strong and making myself keeping all the weakness in myself and become so depress?

After giving birth to Sherrine, I feel so depress and I never let it out, I keep all the emotion and stress in myself and letting myself to be so depress nowadays and my emotion are so random. I can be happy at this moment and get upset another moment, or I can get pissed off easily, or I see everything also not happy. I feel like I'm so stress at time when I'm home facing the two Princess. Yes, they're my happy pills but they still do make me feel tired and stress.

Sometime I don't know what to do when they got so cranky and I feel like just scolding them and give up. I tried and tried to endure, and yes, until now I can still try to manage to control the anger and emotion I have when facing their crankiness. However .. today, I don't know what's wrong with me that I cried when I bathe, even right now when I'm blogging about this, I feel so tired and lost.

 

The moment I decide to have them and bring them to Earth, I have to be prepare to face all the stress and every obstacles that will be coming to me but I don't know if I am not well-prepared or I'm depress so I kept having a lot of thoughts running through my mind that sometime, I feel so emotional and I am very worry that if this goes on, I will get depression because after all I got a fall badly and I need time to stand up.

I always thought that I am not upset, thought that I am strong and believe that I can make it myself, but I was wrong because I realize at certain time when I got so emotional, the first came to my mind for comfort was him, after all he was the one that gave me the comfort during those times but also the one who hurt me deeply that I can't bring myself to forgive because I am afraid of stepping into it and get hurt again.

Sometime I feel so lost, feel so I don't know what to do at all to comfort myself. I can only keep quiet, find something to do, or Google for answer that can comfort my thoughts/questions running on my mind. Aftermath, I don't know what I can really do. Yes, I've successfully remove him from "love" but still maybe because I'm used to having him around and not to have to worry anything, so I depend on him too much that at times, he will comes to my mind.

Sigh ..

 

I know I still got to stand strong and face all this, I know it's going to be hard and I will definitely feel stress and depress but I just have to endure and do whatever I can for my kids because they're not just my kids, they're simply my everything. They are my priority! They are what makes me stronger and grow up in a sense of that to be more responsible for what I have done.

I will continue to stay strong and endure everything .. because my kids can't afford to lose me as I play two roles now as a Dad and a Mom. I need to be strong, I need to manage my stress, I need to control my emotion, I need to change and be a much more braver person! I NEED TO!

I don't know if it's because I just gave birth to Sherrine so I got this baby blues that's why I am so negative or I am really depressed .. ? I really don't know, I really feel so lost and stress .. Okay, I shall stop blogging about this, if not I guess a lot of thoughts will be running through my mind and I will get sleepless again .. 

And probably .. 

" When life gets hard and I feel all alone, I should always remember that I mean the world to someone, and that someone is one who calls me, "Mom". "

I have no idea what's going to happen next.

  

I really have no idea what's going to happen next, because recently I have been thinking and in fact, I always have the same question on my mind everyday. I don't know what will happen and if I ignore the question on my mind does it really helps and let nature takes it course? Some time I got so tired and stress when all this question keep flowing back to me when I keep rejecting it to get on my mind.

Those questions just never stop coming back to my mind - 

"Will I slowly by time forgive someone I used to love and let him get back my side? Can I really forgive him and let this family get back to where it used to be? Will making such decision makes me regret again? Will I be hurt again if I ever step out of the x-zone that I have make for myself?" 

I ever thought of forgiving him for the sake of the two daughters, (no, I am not taking them as an excuse) because I wanted to give them a complete family - I mean who doesn't want to give their children a complete family? I know I can still find someone else out there, but ... Will he able to take my children? Will he able to love my children like how much I love them? Will he be able to accept the facts that I might love my children more than I love him? Will he do anything to my daughters? There's a lot of question comes to me when I was thinking if I were to find someone else out there. 

I know, a lot of them told me :"If the man love you, he will also accept your children and love them like how you did". However, the problem is are we sure that he will or is it for that only moment when he loves you so he will / he can? I know there are still some cases whereby those Single Mom met someone who can and I really give them the blessing but I'm not a lucky girl. After 20 years of life, I think the luckiest thing ever happen was that I've born in this home, having my two daughters and those best friends. Other than that, nothing lucky ever happen on me.

I know it take times to find someone who can/who will but I don't think I will accept any relationship because I rather be alone with my two daughters as I know, I will definitely have my attention more on the two Princess than on the relationship. 

I think I am more of a family woman, I think for my children more than for myself. I want them to be happy, even if I am not. I want to protect them from getting hurt, even if I get hurt. I want to make sure everything is best for them, even if it's not the best for me. 

There are people who ask me - 

"Why don't I just give up the children and give to the Dad since he is willing to take care and at the same time I can also return back to freedom, I can go back to further studies, I can get into another relationship, I won't have burden and etc".

I always tell them -

"Because I am the one who decide to give birth to them, I am the one who bring them on Earth therefore I have to do my responsibility and take care of them. The moment I make the decision of bringing them to Earth, I have to accept that I will lose the freedom and I can't get anything like I once used to and etc. They did not end my life, instead they start a new one for me, a better one, a more responsible one. Therefore, I love them and I have no regrets having them by my side now."

Anyway, I know my family is never ever going to forgive him because he hurt me and they really hate it so much that he can keep doing this to me even I have forgive him countless of time. However, to be honest, I have already forgive him because holding onto grudges will only make myself more tired. I will take this as a lesson to make sure I don't ever get into this "rubbish" anymore. We're still friends, because after all he is still the Dad of the two Princess and I'm not a mean person to stop him from seeing them as long as he pay me the maintenance fees every month. 

The weakness of me is that, I don't angry for long and I forgive someone too easily. Now that I have been hurt so much by him, and he is trying so hard now to enter my life is never easy like how it used to be. To me, he seems more like a friend now or I should say, I have forget every small detail of him and feels like we're just some Hi-Bye friend? The relation between us is only "Princess's Dad", nothing else, nothing related to me only to my two Princess. 

SIGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ~

I think ... we shall just let nature take its course.

 Now, I am happy being single and happy that the two Princess are by my side! :')

 

 

Till than, I shall blog again. 

Love, xoxo

Sherrine's Full Month Celebration

Hello Everyone

Before I start blogging, let me share one photo comic of my two Princess.

 

As from the title and the previous blog post, you should know what I'm going to blog for today. 

 

Yes, it's going to be Sherrine's full month celebration post ! (: The celebration was a very successful one and I think it's because everyone who attend make it a very successful and memorable one! Damn happy to see all my friends and to be able to gather around to chit-chat again like we used to! 

The day before the celebration, I went to Hair Salon with Sister to do hair-rebonding. During the night, Mom and Grandmother boil eggs to make red eggs, after that we all went to bed to prepare for the celebration. On the day morning, Dad, Mom and Grandmother with Shervelle went to market and collect the full month cake for praying. After that, Mom and Dad went to another Grandmother's house to pray the ancestor, also to bring over some tables and chair for the guests while I stay home looking after meimei.

 

After Dad & Mom came home, Mom bathe meimei. 

 

 

(Aunt with Shervelle after her bathe.)

Aftermath, I went to rest in the late morning because I was feeling rather tired and sleepy. Wake up around 2+.P.M, start to prepare for the celebration. Place all the tables and chairs, and also Mom prepare both the Princess for me while I went to bathe and prepare myself. Took photo for both the Princess and also for Mom with the Princess. Oh by the way, did I mention that they are wearing the same on that day?

 

  

   

 

Was about to feed meimei and the caterer came, therefore Mom went to assist the person while I feed meimei. After feeding, I start to take photo with Sister and also Shervelle.

  

 

  

 

After the person done setting up for the catering, we went out to take a look and start snapping photo of the food! It looks yummy and it taste yummy too. I receive a lot of good feedback from my relatives & friends. Everything was nice, especially the Curry Chicken - it's spicy enough and the chicken are very tender! (Y) Oh, I order from MeiHao99 .

 

  

  

  

  

  

 

After snapping the food, Sister and I decided to snap photo again! :P

  

  

Around 3+P.M, Jane and her cousins came.

 

 

  

 

  

Took photo with them and chit chat with them. Thanks Jane & Boyfriend's Sister, Gina & Jasmine for the present and red packets! :) Appreciate them a lot. Ask them to eat, chit chat and then around 5+P.M. they went home as they got something on. Thank you for coming and sorry for being a bad host! Hope to meet up with you all again soon! (:

In between, my Grandparent and Aunts came, also my Aunt and Cousins. Ask them to eat first, because Sherrine was sleeping away. Snap photo of them also, but didn't snap photo with them. 

 

  

Awhile later, my two BFFs came! They went to play with Shervelle, but Shervelle is ignoring everyone! >:( Well, she always behave like that in front of people whom she is not close with, therefore I'm sorry to everyone who is trying to get close to her. I know it's damn difficult getting close to her. Oh, and I mange to take photo with my two BFFs! 

  

 

 

  

  

 

Thank you BFFs for the presents! Appreciate them and I'm glad that we've some time to chat together and play together! At last, a new photo of the three of us! :D

And my ITE Lovelies are here too! It's the first time that all of us gather together again! I hope there are more times like this that we can gather around again to chit chat and chill around! Thanks for coming and also thanks for the gift & red packet! Appreciate it.

 

  

  

 

The gifts and red packets received.

 

 

Everyone left around 8.P.M. Grandmother and Dad start to clear and pack the leftover. We call it a day, and I start to snap photo with meimei! How can I not snap any photo with her right? :P She look exactly like Shervelle, OMG.

 

 

Lastly,

I want to thank everyone again for coming. It was really great that everyone of you turn up :) I'm very happy and I think my babies are happy too! I hope to see you all again, meet up with all of you again. Sorry for being a bad host, and I hope you all can understand! I am really thankful and appreciate every effort from you all. We shall all meet up again soon.

Love, xoxo.

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