On the previous night, I was really damn down therefore my Mom posted this on my Facebook wall. I read it in the morning around 5 a.m. After reading, I teared and she walks in.
She sit beside me on my bed and then start talking to me. Asking me "What happen?" and I told her. I told her everything, including how I felt because I was really so lost and depressed. I don't know who to confide in and I'm really just so tired.
She start comforting me and talk to me, advise me and make me more positive and feels more better.
I don't understand why did I met such man, why did I have to carry his child and make my child so poor thing to grow up in a single parent. Why does my children have to goes through so much with me when she's not even 1 year old, and the other still not even out yet. I'm so depressed, really depressed.
Each time I feels angry, I feels upset, it's not because he left. It's because why I'm such a useless Mom who can't even give my children happiness, and have to made my babies goes through this with me? I'm not strong at all, I'm not brave, I'm human, I've feelings, I get hurt too but I act like I won't.
Because of the tiredness and toughness I've experience in this pregnancy, it makes me even tired and negative, even depressed and drained. I don't understand why am I always suffering because of him, why did I only learn my mistake now and make myself so tired and sick.
But after what my Mom told me, I realize I'm still blessed with love and happiness. My problem ain't big at all, my situation are nothing to compare to some others out there.
Now, I feel so much better . At least, I've done what a Mommy should do and now I've to also do a part as a Daddy too . I want to see my babies smile, I want them to be in happiness even if they're only left with me. I want to give them double of the love like how they've give me. I want to make sure they're always happy and grow up to be a strong and brave girls :')
I'm thankful that I've them in my life to make me stronger, to make me feel that everything is worthwhile. I'm so thankful for their exist that makes the reason why I smile and feel happy, bless and love. They're such an adorable that gave me the warmest hug as comfort, the tender kiss as comfort, their warmest laughter as comfort. They're all the reason why I'm not falling, why I'm standing strong.
Forever my Superstar :')
I believe everything happen for a reason and I believe, there's always rainbow after rain. I'll smile and move on, I'll work double hard, I'll do all I can and work as hard as I can to make sure both my babies doesn't have to suffer.
Rainbow will come after rain, I believe.
