You never know how strong you are, 

until being strong is the only choice you have left.

 

Hi Lovelies 

Time check 2335 hours now 

I cried just now in the evening. I was so stress and tired that I burst my tears out. Glad that I've my parent, aunt and grandma to be here for me and guide me and advise me. They're really my supporting family ♥ I cannot imagine life without them.

Yes, so I cried because I felt so tired and stress, have to admit that this pregnancy really made me very emotional because at one point that I'm going through this myself and it's kinda tired and stress that I've to feed 2 kids up myself, however I don't regret because I love them and I'm the one that want to bring them to Earth so I've to make sure that they're in happiness.

Daddy & Mommy advise me that life might be tough now for me, but in the future, I'll be happy because I'll see my child grow up happy and healthy, and I'll find everything so worthwhile. They told me, I still have them to depend on, I still have them to help me along this tough journey, not just them but my sibling, my relative. ♥

I cried and spit out everything

I felt tired because I don't understand why do I've to suffer alone while that man is having fun. I felt tired because I don't understand why am I having all this treatment while that man is going through nothing. I felt so fucked up and tired, really.

But I was wrong

He can be enjoying now but what is left in his life? NOTHING. He could be flirting and having fun out there but who know what will happen in the future? He might just get aids and die. He is having fun and having everything he want, but what he left in the end of his life is just - NOTHING.

And I'm different

I might be stress and tired now, but I still have my daughters. I might have to sacrifice a lot to feed my daughters, but still I have my daughter and I can enjoy in the future. I might have lost everything but I still have my daughter with me and they'll be mine forever, because I'm the one that bring them on Earth and feed them, take care of them, love them.

Yes, I've to be positive

Being a single parent is not easy, is twice the tired, twice the stress, twice the tears but it's also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride. I love how my daughter hug me and gave me the comfort and I'm thankful that they're by my side and to be able to have them to hug me is really a bless.

No matter what, from now, I'll endure and work hard

♥♥♥

On the previous night, I was really damn down therefore my Mom posted this on my Facebook wall. I read it in the morning around 5 a.m. After reading, I teared and she walks in. 

She sit beside me on my bed and then start talking to me. Asking me "What happen?" and I told her. I told her everything, including how I felt because I was really so lost and depressed. I don't know who to confide in and I'm really just so tired.

She start comforting me and talk to me, advise me and make me more positive and feels more better. 

I don't understand why did I met such man, why did I have to carry his child and make my child so poor thing to grow up in a single parent. Why does my children have to goes through so much with me when she's not even 1 year old, and the other still not even out yet. I'm so depressed, really depressed.

Each time I feels angry, I feels upset, it's not because he left. It's because why I'm such a useless Mom who can't even give my children happiness, and have to made my babies goes through this with me? I'm not strong at all, I'm not brave, I'm human, I've feelings, I get hurt too but I act like I won't.

Because of the tiredness and toughness I've experience in this pregnancy, it makes me even tired and negative, even depressed and drained. I don't understand why am I always suffering because of him, why did I only learn my mistake now and make myself so tired and sick.

But after what my Mom told me, I realize I'm still blessed with love and happiness. My problem ain't big at all, my situation are nothing to compare to some others out there. 

 

Now, I feel so much better . At least, I've done what a Mommy should do and now I've to also do a part as a Daddy too . I want to see my babies smile, I want them to be in happiness even if they're only left with me. I want to give them double of the love  like how they've give me. I want to make sure they're always happy and grow up to be a strong and brave girls :')

I'm thankful that I've them in my life to make me stronger, to make me feel that everything is worthwhile. I'm so thankful for their exist that makes the reason why I smile and feel happy, bless and love. They're such an adorable that gave me the warmest hug as comfort, the tender kiss as comfort, their warmest laughter as comfort. They're all the reason why I'm not falling, why I'm standing strong.

 

Forever my Superstar :') 

 

I believe everything happen for a reason and I believe, there's always rainbow after rain. I'll smile and move on, I'll work double hard, I'll do all I can and work as hard as I can to make sure both my babies doesn't have to suffer.

Rainbow will come after rain, I believe. 

Hello Lovelies

I just need somewhere to rant and here I am ..

 

If so, can I just cry myself out loud .. ? I'm really so emotionally tired and I'm feeling so depressed and lost, tired and all .. don't understand why has life been so difficult and tiring . Sometime I really feel like going somewhere alone and have a break but I know I can't and I don't have the time to do so because I've so much on me, so much that I've to carried.

I know I chosen this path and I never regret having the two precious, but sometimes I just feel tired and I doubt anyone could understand how it feels when you've so much on your shoulder when you're only just not even 20 years old. Who could feel me deeply? No one unless you been through what I'm going through now ..

Don't come tell me that you know how I felt when you ain't going through what I'm going through, don't tell me you can understand and feel all the tiredness, pain, and everything that I'm feeling now when you didn't even went through it .. DON'T BULLSHIT ME WITH ALL THE "I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL" !

I know there might be people laughing at me and stuff but seriously, I don't give a damn so just laugh by all means .. Just remember, I'm really happy with what I have now but it's just that I feel tired at times ..

 

I've finally bid good bye to someone I once love dearly, one whom I once thought that he was my everything and stupidly made him my everything .. and goes mad with myself whenever he hurts me ..

At last, finally, at last, I have put him down and can't wait to just leave him because I know that I will NEVER EVER return back to his side anymore, because I know that " A leopard will never change it's spots " . Being hurt once, twice, thrice is more than enough but I was hurt more than that , and I take so long to learn my mistake and correct myself from the mistake ..

I'm done with it .. finally done with it !!!

& Also, he is still the usual self. Pathetic and lost, one who don't deserve everything that I do and worth pity for .. still flirting around and playing around. Recently, he found himself another new prey and I really pity all these girls who fall into his trap and "fall in love" with him ..

but well, I can only wish them luck .. because I gave them all the warning already that all he want was to satisfy his needs and attention, he don't even love them at all .. but well, that's not my problem already, just hope that he could stop pestering me.

 

For both of my kids, I will stay strong and hang on . No matter how big I have to sacrifice, I will do it just to ensure that no one hurts them . I'm gonna use my life to love, care and protect them with all the strength I have . Because I'm now both the Daddy and Mommy role (': 

Maternity Shoot.

Hello Lovelies 

 

I'm back updating the blog again, since I'm free and I've the feel to do so. Anyway, if you follow me on Facebook and Twitter , you should know that I'm gonna do a Maternity Shoot in April . 

I've bought a deal at a very affordable value by the recommendation of Yvonne ! (Y)I've book the appointment & confirm everything, just hope that it'll turn out to be smooth and also, Shervelle to be cooperative! ^^ Its the last pregnancy that I'm gonna have, so it's gonna be a memorable shoot for me!

 

I've been searching for ideas and also to think if there's any props I could buy and also not forgetting the clothing for Shervelle and I for the shoots! Google about everything so that I can prepare myself before hand and this is going to be the second time that I'd a photo shoot so I've gotta prepare myself ready!

Anyway, so I've went Google to search for Maternity Shoots idea. And here are some that I've found and I find it cute that I might also had it done the same but of cause, Shervelle has to be cooperative too! *Prayhard*

 

Yes, I really like the idea of the above! And also, I'm very looking forward to the shoots! :') Therefore, I really hope that everything will just turn out smoothly in April! Pray hard, and God please be nice as always! :')

 

The very precious moment that Shervelle has with Sherrine:')

Alright, till than . 

Love ya.

Hello Lovelies

I'm feeling quite tired right now because I took Shervelle out to Marina Square. Anyway, I was back to work on Saturday after 3 days of rest and I'm going to work tomorrow. Now, I shall update the blog and head to bed already.

Wake up at around 9am plus and then had home-cook brunch. Use the laptop while Shervelle is napping before I start preparing her stuff and myself to Marina Square. She wake up, play awhile and I bathe her and change her up, after that I bathe and prepare myself up before we head out.

However, it was raining quite heavily, so we waited for the rain to become smaller before we could head out. Okay, so we head out at about 3pm. Before I took the umbrella and walk to the bus stop, we took photo first! HAHAHA. 

 

Happy Shervelle, because she's going out. She like to go out!

 

That's the best comfort that I get - her hug! 

 

I think she look a bit sleepy over here ? 

Took bus 27 and then alight at Buangkok MRT Station. We took the train to Dhoby Gaught and change circle line to Esplanade! :) After that we reach, walk to Marina Square and then Shervelle had a ride on Thomas & Friends. 

 

We walk and we saw this! Balloons ~ 

 

A lot of people at the balloon area, it's really nice and I think they really spend a lot of time for this! Shervelle likes them too but didn't manage to take photo for her with the balloon. After that, went to buy Chef Tony Popcorn! Dark chocolate flavor! Love it! 

 

Walk for an hour plus and we headed to take train back to Hougang. Went Hougang Mall and had my dinner there at Toast Box. And my little girl ate the sugar butter toast too! Took photo for her, oh btw, do you think she look nice in that clothing? I think she looks cute in that! :D

 

Her usual "see your face" face! HAHAHA.

We headed home after dinner, as usual we took photo before we call it a day. And I bet she definitely likes to take photo too because she'll join in with me ! I like. 

 

& I take photo of myself ! :P 

In my 29 weeks and 6 days pregnant, 71 more days to go. 

Seriously can't wait for meimeiS to come out. A lot of question going through in my mind like eg. - how will Shervelle react when she see meimei, how will meimei look like, will she look like jiejie? OMG, really very excited and I've got a feeling that meimeiS will come out before the EDD given! 

Okay, till than. Love ya.

Sherrine's Growth Check Up

Wednesday , 13th March 2013 - Sherrine's Growth Check Up

Went to KK Hospital yesterday. Wake up early in the morning around 6.15am to prepare ourselves to KKH. Went with Shervelle, Mommy and Sister. Cabbed down to KKH and went to the ADC Scanning Clinic. Reach there around 8am. Appointment at 830am. 

Done the scan and doctor told me that Sherrine is doing good, growing well also, not to worry much. She's about 1.64kg and her head has already turn down which mean she's all ready to come out and that explain why I'm experiencing Pelvic Girdle Pain. 

Doctor advise me to rest at home, so yes that explain why I could update the blog now(: Anyway, I've been sleeping my day away yesterday. Still feeling really tired, I need a lot of sleep when I'm pregnant and I don't know why either. 

Okay, so after that the check up, went to Bugis Temple and pray. Had lunch over there also and cabbed home. Reach home, rest and then I went to sleep till late evening then I wake up. That's how my day started and ended.

Okay, no more scanning already. Left with doctor visiting only. & then meimei Sherrine will arrive on Earth. Follow on Instagram/Twitter @mommyxuan for daily updates! :)

Till than, love ya.

Trip to Vivo City.

Sunday, 10th March 2013 - We went to Vivo City.

Was a very nice weather to start with. Prepare Shervelle & myself to Vivo City. Ain't a easy task to do so as I'm pregnant now but at least I guess I manage to do so ^_^ Anyway, train to Vivo - during the journey, Shervelle doesn't want to sit, she want to stand and hold on to the pole instead, very naughty girl! 

But after that, of cos I did manage to make her sit down ! 

 

She's really naughty, cannot stand her. Smiling and winking at people around her, seriously can't stop getting attention from people. Very cheeky girl. Finally, we've reach. Walk around and head to Toy'R'Us. She want to walk by herself and doesn't want me to carry at all, so I let her walk instead. 

We shopped around and then went to Camouflage to see if there's any pretty clothing that I could buy, but there's none really caught my eyes and my girl was also walking around and picking up dresses from the rack, cannot stand her.

Anyway, after that we went to Mini Toons and she bought another little Teddy bear again. Headed to MacDonald to have our late lunch and then we train back to Hougang. Reach at around 5pm plus, and it was raining really heavily. 

Home sweet home !

 

As usual, we took photo and ended our day like this :)

Sweet and simple.

Update.

Hello People 

It's quite late right now already and actually I should be resting / sleeping but I just find it so hard to sleep even I'm feeling really tired right now :( Hopefully time would be passing really fast cos meimeiS is really giving me a hard time.

 

I like how jiejieS look over here in the photo, her eyes look so big over here . I'm very happy that I have her in my life, feel that all that I'm going through now is so worthwhile ♥ And of cos, not forgetting my meimeiS even though she makes me in a hard time right now, I still love her ! 

 

Now this cheeky girl getting more and more cheeky :x Know how to pose before taking photo and all sorts of pattern coming out already .Sometime really cannot stand her, because she's over naughty already ! & I can get really pissed off and annoyed by her lor ~ but she still so adorableee, argh! 

 

This is my tummy in 28 weeks plus. It's blocking my view when I climb the stairs, so I have to be extremely careful and cannot rush already like I use to :/ And because of the big tummy, I had hard time breathing and stuff that I've never been through when I'd jiejieS :(

I'll feel breathless. I've more cramps, even when I walk I can even feel the cramps! :'( & also been a few weeks since the pelvic area and big thigh are feeling aching and I done research about it and it's call - Pelvic Girdle Pain and this feeling ain't good at all, I swear ! 

With this Pelvic Girdle Pain, it's really hard to turn on bed, sleep, sit, stand up, walk and everything we've to do in life. A little bit of movement also really hard, especially turning on bed! :( So I really had a hard time sleeping, and also, I've to place a soft pillow under my tummy when I sleep side way to support the tummy if not I feel so uncomfortable.

With that, I also experience more cramps! Especially in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping. Half way through the sleep, I'll at least cramp 2 time per day! NO GOOD AT ALL OK! & also I swear meimeiS move much more than jiejieS!

Okay,  I shall stop ranting and head to sleep :(

Good night all lovelies, xoxo ♥

I'll stay strong.

Hello Lovelies

 

It's me here updating the dead space again.

I believe there's still people reading right? (:

 

Yes, things happen again and it's getting so sickening and tired for me and I feel like I'm breaking down but I am really moving on strongly for my two babies, as I have to and also I won't collapse so easily because of those people who trying to pull me down.

 

If you added me on Facebook or follow me on my Facebook, I think you'll should have guess what's going on recently for me. Yes, all about that bastard again. It's really damn annoying and fucked up but what to do, he is just simply immature. I can't help it either. He has to grow up by himself, I can't always be there to help me up.

 

 

 

Just like the quote above. I never know how strong I can be and I have to be until being strong was my only choice left. That's why I have to be strong and I got to be, if not my two girls will be suffering with me which I doesn't want it to happen at all. Anyway, I'm glad life was still being alright though there's still ups and downs and obstacles.

 

Thankful that I've families and friends who are very supportive and are very nice to be there for me :) I'm really glad that I have them. At least, I've someone to talk to and to let out my feelings and stuff if not I'll be feeling so terrible.

 

 

 

I ever seen his friend say, "if she think that being a single mom is proud, then let her be". I wanted to confront this person but I did not because I don't think there is a need because he ain't anyone to me but if anyone out here reading my blog and have the same mindset that, "if I think that being a single mom is proud" - then let me tell you, I AM PROUD.

 

Being as a woman, I don't think anyone can be like some of the single Mom. To be able to stand up strong even if we just fell. I ever thought I wouldn't be able to handle it but no, I was wrong I actually could but of cos I've to thanks to my parent who are being so supportive and always there for me during those bad times.

 

Seriously, I am proud that I can manage to be a single parent. It is tiring and stress but I receive twice the love and happiness which none others could. Not until you are a parent yourself, you wouldn't know how great this feeling can be.

 

The feeling that even if you're dead tired and mad and frustrated with what's going on in your life, and just your children's smile or hug can just simply kill all these annoying feelings away.

 

Just like I've mention before :

 

" I might have lose my freedom, youth and everything that what a youngster should have now but I receive more love and happiness than the others because my two sweetheart bring all the love and happiness to me that makes me where I am right now "

 

Till than, I shall blog again.

Loves, xoxo

That's so me.

Hello Lovelies

How's your day ? Mine wasn't that bad, but feeling very tired. Having headache and giddiness . Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be fine . I dislike going to work and coming home feeling giddy but I've no choice, I can't help it at all. Impossible to always take medicine for the giddiness also, not so good for meimeiS.

Anyway, these two day I'm feeling really down. Just hoping that all this emotional breakdown will be away soon. Probably due to the uncomfortable feelings in me that's why feeling down also? ): Seriously hoping that May would comes by real fast. 

meimeiS, please be a good girl okay. I know you've always been but please just be a little more good girl okay? Let Mommy feels better alright? Mommy loves you, xoxo.

 

& This is so me, sometimes I don't even know what's happy till I sees my jiejieS & feel meimeiS movement. They're the one that can really make me smile from heart and feel comfort. I'm really thankful that I've them, if not I really don't know how lost I can be right now.

Can't wait to see meimeiS on the 13th! :) Gonna ask Doctor a lot of question because I am so not feeling good in this pregnancy and hopefully meimeiS size is average because a lot told me that my tummy is so big, I want to have a natural birth! *pray* 

So, anyway I'm in my 28th weeks 1 day already! Which is 7 months! Woots, another 12 weeks to go, which is 3 months! ♥ Come on, let's hope everything in March will be awesome and meimeiS will be arriving Earth soon ~ 

Okay, till the next time when I update again.
Loves, xoxo ♥ Good night all lovelies !

What's going on lately.

Hello Lovelies ! 

It's been long since I updated the blog. I'm feeling really lazy to do so and very tired to do so too. Heh, been working and taking care of Daughter and also don't really feel well these days. Anyway, I'm making the time now on Sunday to update the dead space! (: I change my blog template to a simple one, if you realize. I'll do a new one after Sherrine is on Earth. 

Life was really good still with my girl (Y) She is now 15 months old plus now, time is passing so fast hur ~ On the last Sunday, I took her out to void deck to play and stroll. Took her to mini mart, bought one bottle vitagen and dried raisins for her! :) She really likes them! ^^ After that took her home, bathe and went to sleep! Nothing much happen anyway :) Spent a very simple Sunday with her.

 

Shervelle is such a big girl now, there's many thing she can do now and she can talk more than last time also! Oh, not forgetting that she could make tons of funny faces too! Sometime really cannot stand her cheekiness ! HAHA. However, it's really happy and comforting to see her growing and learning a lot of new things :') She's such a adorable that always makes me feel that I'm the most blissful woman! 

 

Of cos, children are all naughty and so does mine! We've to punish even if we love them, if not they'll never know that they're wrong. Even now, she's only 15 months old, I do punish her because I know she can understand what I am talking about. Therefore, no matter how I love her, I will still make sure she grows up being a good girl instead a naughty one! 

 

 

This girl here is very naughty but also brave . She can walk but always walk like a drunken so at times she's so proud that she wanna run and walk faster therefore it makes her fell and injured herself. She did not cry, but stand up and still run again! I'm so worry of her but she always stand and move on! My brave darling! (Y)

 

Look at how she sit, like a little adult. HAHA. I can faint at times looking after her because she's so active that I doesn't have the energy to go after her! :( Lucky still got my family around to help me with her ! (Y)

That's about all for Shervelle. She's doing good and growing well. (:

As for Sherrine, she's now 27 weeks plus already, turning 28 weeks tomorrow. She's growing well too, but at the same time I'm the one suffering ! ): Still enduring and hoping that May would comes by faster since it's already March! Another 2 months more to her arrival! (Y) Weeee, can't wait but I know I'll be god damn busy by than! :( Therefore, I might move my site to Tumblr so I can update the blog easily using phone! 

Anyway, this pregnancy really no easy ! My pelvic area and big thighs are now aching because the tummy is heavy so it's pushing some weight to it that I feels the ache. The back is also aching badly. Going through cramps and aching now that I can die at times in the midnight. :( Sleeping become difficult for me also, because I'd hard times turning left/right. 

However, I'm really enduring and I'm glad I can still manage them though I'm really feeling very uncomfortable and restless at times. Well, soon Sherrine will be due so just left about 12 weeks to endure! (Y) I know I can do it. I also realize, Sherrine moves more actively in the noon to midnight! Therefore, every morning when I wake up to work. I'll touch the tummy and tells her that it's morning to make sure she know when is day and night. When to wake up and when to play. 

It's not easy being a Single Mom but I'm glad I am still doing good!
I know I can go through all these, I believe I can! (Y)

Love ya, till than ~