Disclaimer: Just my person thoughts.
Just close my page away if you've got negative comments. Thank you in advance.
Yesterday, I'd post a status in my Facebook.
And I wrote,
"Loving a single mom ain't a easy thing. You got to accept my past, my life and most importantly my daughters. Love has no boundaries. Love is when you're ready to accept every single bit of the other person, that single bit that none other can accept but you do. So, if you ain't gonna accept everything of me and expecting me to change that single bit that none other could accept, then do you think this is the love you're looking for? Do you think your love is strong enough for me? I doubt so. Because when I love, I accept every single bit of you, everything that none others could accept. If you can't then please don't step forward and move to me. I'm scare. I need someone who can ensure me. I need someone who can love my daughters like I do now and then. Not someone who loves us only temporarily or someone who just find us 'interesting'. And keep that in mind that, our kids are always put priority."
And yes, I'm gonna talk about that today.
Before that, here's a photo of my Princesses and I.
Anyone out here has love a single parent before?
I never did before, I don't know how it feels like to love a single parent. And right now that I am a single mom myself, I find love ain't really a thing for me and I, myself find it that loving me as a single parent ain't a easy thing. Some might think that they are easy, but to me, I don't find it so probably because I ain't ready yet. I think it's a difficult thing to go through that path, I find it that there'll be tough obstacles that you can't overcome if your love ain't strong enough.
Why so? You must be thinking.
I bet there are people whom are close to me or follow me in social website, you'll should know I got a boyfriend after a year plus of separation with my ex-Husband. I must say, my ex-boyfriend is really a nice man and probably someone rare. And you'll must be thinking, then why did I let go? The reason lies with me and this is why I think loving a single parent is difficult and I guess my love and determination wasn't as strong as compared to my ex-boyfriend.
From the outside, we might seems to be the same as those single woman (with no children) out there, but our life, mindset and hearts are different from them. Single mom doesn't have the same free will like other woman (with no children). We went through from single to married life, got pregnant and then childbirth, out of the sudden went back to single life and trying to adapt life as a single parent, going through all these tough times. Imagine how does it feels like? Can you imagine how it is? I doubt so, unless you went through them, isn't it?
Slowly our life revolves around our children. We keep ourselves busy to get those negative thoughts away from us and focus on how we should bring up our children . We are responsible for them for we are the one that decides to bring them to this world.
However, under this layers of responsibilities there are times we have our needs.
Are you thinking what are the needs?
No, it's not sex that we need.
It's someone to love us, someone that can shoulder our burden together. Someone we can be together with and let us know that they will be with us to work hard for the future together. We need someone that can embrace us and our children with no hesitation. That's what we really need. However sometime, people out there just thinks that, single mom are wild, are open-minded. No, we're not. We didn't choose to be a single mom, our ex-husband made us to be.
When you choose to love us, when you choose to confess to us, when you says you'll love us for the rest of your life. Have you asked yourself, are you sure you can do this? Are you sure you'll not dump us and then find yourself another woman like what our ex-partner has done? We ain't doubting you, we ain't not trusting you, but we are just scare and worried.
A failed marriage for once is enough for us to learn our lesson.
It's a expensive lesson, very expensive lesson.
Loving a single parent ain't easy if your love ain't strong.
Why?
- A woman with children can't nor could even if she wants to.
- We've our schedule. We work, and work takes away half of our days whereas when we left the other half of our day, we just wish to spend them bonding with our children because you don't know how bad it feels to see that our children are closer with people who take care of them when we work just because they've more time with them as compared to us. Our daily life is planned, we wake up for work, for appointments and the next thing up is always our children. Some time when you need us, we might not be able to be there, not because we don't want to because we can't and when we can't, we definitely have our reasons.
# Now, the question here you've to asked yourself, can you accept this?
Can you accept the woman you want to love is busy or even might not be able to be there for you when you need her just because she can't? Are you able to accept that you might have lesser time to spend with her just because she got a schedule/planned life?
(They can spend some alone time with you because we understand that alone time are important, but you ought to understand that children needs a lot of attention, love and care. They might seems that they're still young to understand but actually they know who are good or bad, who are close and who are not. We won't want to lose that place in our children's heart.)
- A woman with children might have walls that you can't see.
- When we failed our marriage. We blame our ex-husband but sometime we blame ourselves as well thinking that probably we ain't good enough that's why they choose to have someone else in their arms. Then when someone that wants to love us come nears to us, we start to have thoughts like, "Am I good enough?", "I've got children, is he able to accept? Even if he can, can his family accept?" or the most common question we've might be, "why out of so many single woman, why choose a single mom?"
Yes, some might think, what for think so much when I'm just asking you for a relationship. But come on, to us, it's not just a relationship, we wish to find someone that we can spend our life with. We don't want to keep having different man to try out and test if that works. It might sound crazy like as if we're looking for a next husband to take care of us. But no, you're wrong. Remember what I mention, We need someone that can embrace us and our children with no hesitation.
# Now, the question here you've to asked yourself, can you accept this?
Will you be able to accept that we think this way? Are you able to take up this that might caused some stressed (when we don't actually want to give any stress at all) to you? Can you ensure us that your love for us is real? Are you able to accept that we might have fears that could stress you up? We don't really want to stress you up, we really don't wish to. However the insecurity that we have might just killed us and this is the time when we need you to secure us, are you able to do that?
A woman with children take time to overcome the fear and decides whether to be with you.
When we accepted you, we accept every single bit of you.When I say every single bit, it means that single bit that none other could accept. It might seems that we take time to move a step closer to you, because we just want to be careful, we just want to know if we can trust ourselves with you. We won't want to learn another lesson, I mean who wants to, right?
Beside that, when we bring you to our kids, it could be a sign of all signs that we sees a future with you and most importantly, it's a sign that we trusts you and have gave our all for you. Despite giving all to you and trust you, we might still be a little afraid but we still want to trust you, so are you able to ensure us your love, secure us with your actions not words. Words are just empty shells. It's always easier to say than to do, right?
Always remember: A woman with children has lesser time for themselves.
Our life revolves around our kids. We need time with them if we're a working mom and especially those that are working and studying at the same time. We've lesser time for our children, meaning to say we've even lesser time with you. Thus, you got to understand that our time are limited, our time spend might together with our children. We can make time for you, but can you understand? So, at this point of time when you know that our time would be lesser, ask yourself again. Are you able to tolerate that? Are you able to accept that? If you can't then please, don't move forward to us because it'll only hurt us even more when we've accepted you and you realize the facts later.
Always remember: love ain't just a one sided thing. It takes both hand to claps.
Single parent, if you've got someone then remember, the moment you choose to accept your partner, it means that both of you are ready to overcome all tough obstacles. Do not give up too easily like I once did. I believe if the love is strong enough, the determination of wanting to have one another is strong enough, there's nothing to worry about. Just hold strong and go strong!
Always remember: Both have to give in and understand. Both have to communicate.
Quarrels are inevitable in all relationships. Thus communication is very important. If there's misunderstanding or things you wish your partner to know, talk to them. Since you've already accepted one another, then talk things out. Don't hide them up, don't wait for your partner to guess what's on your mind. If you don't say then they won't know. Find a good time, a good place, sit down and communicate. Your partner can guess what's on your mind, he/she won't mind, but as time goes they'll eventually got worn out and sick of always have to guess what you want from them. Stand in their shoes and think, what if you were the one that needs to guess what's on their mind? However don't let this communication leads to a new argument, never and don't do that.
My past relationship make me realize a lot of thing.
During that 3-4 months of relationship with my ex-boyfriend and after breaking up with him. It makes me realize a lot of thing to love a single mom and how a single mom should also accept someone's love. Those mention above are how I felt that, what you might need to know to love a single mom.
A woman with children that accepted someone's love.
When we have choose to accept someone's love and let them enter our life. We have to understand that we've bravely made the first move to love someone and let that someone to enter our life. We've to trust our partner why they choose to love us instead of someone else. There must be something that attract us to them. If he is ready to love you and your children, to embrace you and your children with no hesitation then why are we hesitating. It's rather contradicting, I swear it is because I do that too.
Let's be honest, we have to be fair.
We have to agree that we're seeing a different person. We've to believe that the one we accepted is different. But a gentle reminder, we do not just fall to deeply to it because just in case ... we might got hurt again. There's a lot of contradiction. Sometime we understand and know what we should do but we just do the other way round. That's human, I guess. Most human does that. Anyway ....
Lastly, if you're interested in a single mom, allow her space to heal before you become involved. It will only improve the well-being of your relationship in the future. Be her friend first. You will instinctively know when she's ready and when she is, love her all the way. When they've accepted you, make sure you are already ready for all that is coming be it the good or bad. And always, you've to remember that their kids will always be their priorities!
And to the single mom out there, you can have the time to heal yourself and start a new relationship. Take your time to heal and choose wisely this time! Find someone that can embrace you and your children with no hesitation. Find someone who can accept every single bit of yours where none others could. We deserve to be love and we deserve the love we want. Good luck.
Ps. This blog post does not represent all single mom. Just my personal thoughts.
