♥ Smiling

♥ Smiling is never difficult -

but smiling when you're upset is never an easy task.

 

It's already 3am in the morning and I couldn't get to sleep. Still hanging out with my sister. I am tired but I can't let the mind rest, it's kind of torturing also. I'm so worn out, later still needs to go out to get the decorations for my babygirl's birthday. I'll definitely feel shag. Lucky tomorrow, I'm off from work! Phew ~ 

Anyway, I find that after I get out of those tiring life, I'm standing stronger and getting happier. It's actually a happy thing and I'm very surprised that I can walk out that fast. & I'm very glad that people around me are helping me and accompany me throughout this tough journey :') Thank you so much! 

I am still trying to stay strong and let go though I've let go part of it, but there are still some of it that is holding me back maybe due to the memories that I've mentioned and I also don't know how should I get rid of this memories, just wish that I can met Doreamon and ask help from him. LOL. How I wish. If can, I really wish to delete the bad one and keep the good one. 

However, at least I'm far better off than him. I still got my two precious Bs! While he left nothing. Some times I do pity him, but whenever I pity him, the thoughts will come in - "If I pity him, who is going to pity me? No one." Therefore, the pity him thoughts would just vanished/cleared away! I think the hatred is really strong that I want to kill him or leave this place.

If I can, I really wish I could leave this place. Probably to overseas to upgrade myself and start a new life over there and till I'm settle down and bring my kids over there but I don't think I can leave my parents :( Or maybe leave to other country for study purpose and take it as a chance to leave this place and clear up the memories?:) It would be nice too, hopefully I can. Even if I can, I don't think it would be now, probably after I give birth. 

Alright, till than .
Loves.